You I dont know who.

Sorry the previous posts are so exaggeratingly upset. I guess I'm so used to blogging about unhappy events than happy ones due to a bad past, so emo feelings gush like a rapid uncontrollably. But happy ones I stumble upon my words like I hardly know how to describe it. When a teeny thing happens, it just feels like a sign for the repetition of history. Because you know, I never believed anything good can happen to me. Everytime I thought something was going well, it proves me wrong and things fuck up. If its not my relationships, its my school, or other stuff. Shit just happens. But who am I to complain, I brought it upon myself. Sometimes you feel like you're in a deep dark hole that you will never escape from thinking an regretting and taking it out on yourself because you chose this path with no coercion or force from others. But you hate yourself more because you did comtemplate the bad side of it, but you went ahead with it. And after that you say, I KNEW IT. but its happened. and talk helps nothing and you pray plenty of prayers to God, but you know you dont deserve his mercy but you go ahead and pray saying help me this time, but it has been the hundredth time youve said that but you dont learn your lesson everytime. You watch sad movies and you cry and you feel sorry for yourself cause you cried and you think youre the saddest person in this world when you are just a case of sadness cos you have to resort to telling yourself that when people are dying and starving in other countries and you think one little heartache is the end of the world. People think you're a pitiful soul and you are not pitiful because you are sad, but because you need their pity to make you feel important. Its unreal the way you stare in my eyes, they dont see you, they see through you. You are nothing but a fake. A plastic. A doll. They take you, use you, and dump you. They move on and you pretend to have feelings but you get over it in time for another heartache again.